What’s the Buzz #4: “But One Thousand Years Ain’t Enough to Tear Down Your Walls”
These posts used to be called “Coffee & GChat”, a weekly(ish) post on how I’m spending my time. That has now turned into “What’s the Buzz” posts! You can read the last one here. Mostly I ramble about the things I’m obsessed with lately.
Such as yesterday, I put my steam rollers in my hair for the first time in ages! (It’s hard to muster up the energy to look presentable when you’re on crutches. Paired with my every growing Besame Cosmetics make up collection, I was able to pull off a very vintage vibe last night.
One goal I have right now is to really clean out all the JUNK I have. I’ve always been a collector, saving souvenirs from every experience that meant something to me. Or collecting things that go along with movies & books I love. As a result- I have so much stuff and I want to get rid of 90% of it. I live in such organized chaos and beloved clutter but I want to be more simplistic. I’ve sold some things on eBay, Etsy, and Poshmark but the app only service, Mercari, is by far the BEST. There are no fees, like eBay has, and there’s a lot of users which means I’ve already been able to sell a bunch of stuff. I might also just post some things on a page here on my blog in case any of you are interested. Or join Mercari- I 100% recommend it for selling things AND to find unique things you’ve been looking for. Use code “DMCDYQ” to get $2 towards your first purchase!
It’s now been 3 1/2 weeks since I broke my leg at derby practice. Boy, let me tell you how much I am loathing these crutches. I hate not being able to walk AND carry things at the same time. I hate how much effort it is to do anything, especially shower or work. I’m also not sleeping well because I move around a lot in my sleep, which leads to me moving my foot, which causes a sharp pain up my leg and well, repeat that process a million times a night and see how exhausted you are the next day. There does seem to be more pain on the inside of my ankle (I broke my leg on the outside of my ankle) which leads me to believe I might have severely sprained something….which is not good. Ugh. I have an MRI on Thursday to see exactly what’s going on. I miss skating so much but my mind is having a constantly struggle of “Is roller derby worth all this pain, inconvenience, and losing money due to me not being able to work as much?” If I got 100% healthy again only to get hurt again skating, I would lose my mind. I have no idea what I’m going to do anymore. I did buy these hilarious stickersfor my crutches though….
Honestly, I haven’t been reading much other than rereading “Me Before You” by Jojo Moyes a LOT in the past couple of weeks. It’s one of those books that I’ve just kept in my bag and whenever I have free time I read a chapter or two. Something about this book really captivated me, providing comfort in how stressed out my personal life has been lately. Things with Steve are perfect, I assure you, but there are other things going on that is causing me so much anxiety and I’m having a hard time handling it. But this book makes me so happy <3. If you’ve read “Me Before You” and have any recommendations for books like it, please let me know! The closest books I can compare it to is “The Time Traveler’s Wife” by Audrey Niffenegger or all other books by Jojo Moyes.
I’m still not allowed to put any weight on my broken leg and I’m supposed to keep it elevated as much as possible, which means I’m watching a ton of television shows. So far I’ve caught up on season 2 of “Outlander”, all of “The Girlfriend Experience”, and all of “The White Queen” (thanks Starz on demand!). “The White Queen” was amazing and I highly recommend it to everyone. It’s based off of a series of books by Philippa Gregory called The Cousins’ War (The White Queen, The Red Queen and The Kingmaker’s Daughter) and was done extraordinarily well. The acting, production quality, and writing are all superb. The leading actress, Rebecca Ferguson, is memorizing. She won a Golden Globe for Best Actress in a Miniseries for playing Queen Elizabeth on this show and her performance is a force to be reckon with. If you’re a Game of Thrones fan but prefer to have more of a historical fiction feel than fantasy-you’ll absolutely love it. It’s along the same vein as Pillars of the Earth, another favorite of mine. What’s even BETTER is that Starz recently announced that they are in production for the sequel to “The White Queen”, titled “The White Princess” according to Entertainment Weekly. YAYAYAYAY!!!
My brother is notorious for his fantastic taste in music. So when he recommends a band or brings home a new CD, everyone in my family gives it a shot. 99% of the time he’s correct. The newest band I love that he’s told me about is Yukon Blonde, a group of Canadian guys. Their song “1,000 Years” is currently on repeat for me.
Super catchy! Check out more about them on their website here.
I was interview by Melissa over on Talking Comics on how much Peggy Carter means to me! Here is the beginning of the interview:
MM: So, I’m interested in particular in fans who develop a special sort of personal connection to a fictional character. I’m not talking ‘favorites’, but a character who influences your life or experiences in some significant way. Do you have a connection like that?
ZG: Peggy Carter immediately captured me, before the first Captain America movie came out. So much so that I cosplayed as her at the movie premiere at San Diego Comic Con 2011.
MM: Why Peggy Carter?
ZG: The two obvious reasons are: she is from the WWII era, which is a specialty of mine and she looks like me. This is an example of where representation matters. I’ve always been bigger than a size 4, with broad shoulders and strong jaw, much like Peggy. I had never seen an actress with the same body type as me before.
The other reasons would be that she is an outsider in her field because she’s a woman, and what woman hasn’t felt like she’s being underestimated as a result of her gender? Also, she had a heart of gold, which I strive for. She loved Steve Roger before his transformation, before he became Captain America.
My life has been so crazy that two months have gone by since I last blogged! So here is a dump of 10 things that have been going on that have kept me from blogging:
1.) I busted up my tire!
Look at this. Look at this majestically destroyed tire. Last Thursday I was driving on route 287 going home after my shrink appointment and suddenly my little Mini started SHAKING. I immediatley pulled over to the shoulder on an overpass and called my dad. I told him what happened and that I didn’t think I had a flat tire because my low air pressure light didn’t come on. Plus I didn’t hear it blow or anything.
He told me to check anyway so I hopped over the stick shift and low and behold, I basically ripped my tire from the wheel. Thank god my wheel or my car (or me) were damaged. Just the stupid tire. Thankfully my dad is a goddamn hero and came to my rescue!
He drove to where I was and put on my spare tire. He then dropped me off at work and went to three different tire shops before finally finding the best deal on TireRack.com. My dad went above and beyond and had my tires put on for me while I was working Saturday! My darling little Mini Copper now has kick ass wheels and make it even easier to drive around Jersey like I just stole some Italian gold.
2.) Life Inspiration: Dita Von Teese
I have natrually brunette hair that I have always loved. But one of the best impulsive decisions I’ve made this year is dye my hair black. I must admit that one of my inspirations to do so was style icon Dita Von Teese. I love how vintage, classy, and sexy she is.
For the holidays I’m determined to perfect her tight curls and old Hollywood glamour.
3.) Roller Derby
Next month I start boot camp for the Central Jersey Vixens! This year I overcome one of my biggest fears and
My brother is involved with the Asbury Park music scene and lets me know which local bands I should pay attention to. My absolute favorite of the year is Deal Casino, whom I’ve seen live three times! I have all of their EPs on my phone and they’re my latest favorite band. Below is my favorite song of theirs, “Red”. Listen and then run to iTunes to download all of their music!
6.) Mastering Make Up
Let it be known that age at the ripe age of 25, I finally learned how to do full face makeup without looking dried out/like am amateur drag queen/theatre kid.
One of the main reasons why I haven’t been blogging is because all of my creative energy is going into the novel I’m writing. It’s going very well but super slow and ugh-I-don’t-want-to-talk-about-it.
8.) Working at an Animal Hospital is Crazy
It’s no secret that I work full time at an animal hospital by my house. I know on Twitter that I mention how hard it is (the death of pets and seeing wounded animals on a daily basis is fucking miserable). But I also get to play with puppies and kittens and am never ever bored. Last week I even met a monkey named Zoey. It was weird for everyone involved.
9.) Star Wars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cannot wait to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens on December 17th at 10:15pm!! My brother and I have always wanted to get Star Wars tattoos together and we plan on getting them in the next couple of weeks! JonErik is getting his next week but I have to wait a bit to get mine because all my money has gone to Christmas shopping. *cries* Unless Santa comes early and drops $150 into my bank account. *hint hint bag man in a red suit*
10.) My P.O. Box!
Attn Letter Writers! My PO Box is open! Send me letters, art, musings, postcards, novel chapters, anything! Everything that is sent to me will be responded to with a surprise!
7 Things of Late
Things have been full of busy life things lately, and I since I’m feeling under the weather & couch bound, I thought I’d give you guys an update!
1.) My new year’s resolution this year was to simple take care of myself. The last couple of years I hadn’t been doing that and I was not where I wanted to be mentally or physically. So I bit the bullet and went out on a quest to find doctors that I liked. Thankfully a friend referred me to an amazing psychiatrist (which is incredibly hard to find), who diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder (no surprise there). She put me on the correct cocktail of medications that actually lets me function like a normal person, such as sleep without nightmares & not have daily panic attacks. Most importantly, the nausea I had been feeling for over a year was due to stress and once I was not having attacks everyday, I stopped feeling sick all the time. Between that and the ability to not stress over every single detail in my life made an incredible difference. I’m able to focus on eating healthy and not just to curb my nauseousness.
Plus I’ve always had bad headaches, but they’ve increased in the past year so I saw a chiropractor, which did not help. However I did see an ENT who asked for a CAT scan of my sinuses and low and behold!- I have a severely deviated septum, a bone spur, and turbinate dysfunction. Meaning my nose is all crocked and the glands surrounding them are so swollen that they are putting a ridiculous amount of pressure on my face thus, sinus these migraines so bad I can’t see out of my right eye. I’m having surgery this Wednesday to correct all that nonsense which means weeks of recovery but years of no more migraines ahead of me.
Things on my CRPS nerve disorder front are not going nearly as well. I’ve tried a few new pain management doctors since moving back to Jersey and none of them offer treatment I’ve agreed with. They want invasive procedures such as spinal cord stimulators and monthly epidurals to curb my nerve pain, which are not happening in my lifetime. They also refuse to refill my narcotics prescription, which I understand from a legal & medical conservative point of view. But now I’m currently on nothing for my nerve pain and sometimes it’s quite unbearable. But I have to get my nose surgery done before I can actually get anywhere for my nerves so blah blah blah. My health isn’t perfect but I’m much better than where I was five months ago!
2.) I love driving! Never in a million years did I ever think I would love driving! I’ve had my license for 2 months and 2 days now and I absolutely love it. I love my yellow mini cooper, Chuck, with my entire heart. When I told my mom this last month she replied with, “Good, then that car will take care of you.” I love that car and I love driving and I love how badass driving a manual transmission makes me feel. Sure, driving a stick shift is still frustrating at times, but I have to remind myself I have ONLY been driving for two months! And a stick nonetheless! Nobody masters a skill overnight. But I do love shifting gears and the sound of a revved up engine. And when random guys at gas stations and supermarkets remark on how badass I am for driving a manual coop, it does wonders for my confidence. I always thought I was too clumsy to learn how to drive (and had multiple people in my life tell me this for the last ten years) so being able to prove myself and them wrong feels amazing. Plus my car is way too cute for me to handle. <3
3.) I turned 25 on April 25th, 2015! (gotta love numbers). I have had notoriously bad birthdays in my life, it kinda of felt like a curse. But Steve made sure I had the most wonderful of days. We drove into Manhattan to go to my favorite spots including breakfast at Zabar’s and a walk through Riverside Park.
We also stopped at Tatyana Boutique, which has 40s & 50s inspired bombshell clothing for women of ALL SIZES. I walked in, told the gorgeous salesgirl (dressed as a pin up Little Mermaid) what I was looking for: a dress that covered my upper arms but showed off my ample cleavage and gave off a bombshell look. The girl’s eyes lit up and told me to wait in a dressing room. She brought me the most GORGEOUS dress and I looked like such a bombshell in it. It’s quite revealing so for my own sanity I won’t post a picture of the whole thing. But Steve certainly loved it <3
He took me out to dinner to this stunning restaurant called 90 Acres. Even though we had dinner reservations, I asked to sit at the bar. My reasoning is that as soon as we walked into the place, I realized “Sabrina” with Audrey Hepburn and Humphrey Bogart was playing behind the bar, a movie I love. Plus, the bartenders were super nerdy and awesome and we all had great conversation. By the time we were supposed to go to our table we just asked to stay where we were, and everything was perfect.
4.) The day after my birthday we went to Six Flags Great Adventure to activate our season passes (kindly given to us by Steve’s best friend Dave for Christmas) and we rode all the best roller coasters. Steve hadn’t gone in a long time and I was able to tell him which ones were the best (Kingda Ka and El Toro) and though he questioned how I could have good taste in high thrill rides, afterwards he admitted I knew my shit. After all, I’ve gone skydiving before: I’m actually an adrenaline junkie, which not many would guess.
5.) That Monday my sister Maya and I saw “The Age of Adaline” starring Blake Lively. (even though I want to hate her for breaking up ScarJo’s marriage to Ryan Reynolds, my Gossip Girl heart will always adore Ms. Lively.) The movie was amazing!!!! A complete fairy tale with elements of magic, romance, tragicness, and overall wonderfulness. Maya and I cried buckets and I can’t wait to buy it when it comes out.
6.) I updated my Big Dipper tattoo! I didn’t like how the yellow originally healed; it was more of a brown than yellow. As much coworker Sarah described, it looked like a coffee stain hahaha. So I went back to Amanda to EvolvInk and told her I wanted some more color, and boy did she add some! Amanda is a wonderful artist and a great person to talk to while she tortures you slightly. I’m defiantly going back to her for all my future tattoos.
7.) For my birthday Steve gave me a new lens for my DSLR, a 35 mm that’s supposed to be the best for taking astrophotography. He also gave me an astronomy laser pointer, which I really really wanted! *heart eyes*
The past few nights the skies have been clear so here are the results of our efforts!
The Big Dipper
Another shot of The Big Dipper
If you click on the image to make it bigger, you can see we captured a satellite moving across the sky
So that’s basically what’s going on in my life recently. All this plus working at the animal hospital, which I love tremendously however emotionally draining at times. Life is good my friends. Life is so good.
“The Lord of the Rings The Fellowship of the Ring” At Lincoln Center!
Last night I dragged Steve with me to see The Lord of the Rings The Fellowship of the Ring in concert at the famed David E. Koch theatre at Lincoln Center! I just had to attend, seeing as how LOTR is my first true love. The tattoo on my ribs that says “Shire” in Quenya isn’t there for nothing, you know.
Thanks to StubHub I was able to score 4th row seats! Any seats really would have been amazing, but being so close to the orchestra and seeing everyone perform with such vigor was overwhelming. Especially during “The Bridge of Khazad-dûm”, it shook the entire theater and made the fight with the Balrog more intense than ever.
I wore my scarf that has a map of Middle-earth on it, and my prized Lothlorien Leaf necklace/brooch I bought from Weta, made all the way over in New Zealand!
They even had a Weapons check in for people who came dressed up and brought swords and axes!
Steve was SUCH a trooper! He had never seen any of the LOTR movies before we met, and one rainy summer afternoon last year he agreed to watch Fellowship with me. However, I only had the extended editions on my iPad (because who the hell still watches the theatrical versions these days?). He sat through the whole thing like a champ then! When I got my hands on tickets for this one, he was perturbed I didn’t pick a movie he hadn’t already seen. But Fellowship is my favorite of the three, so he was just going to suck it up and put up with the fact that his girlfriend is a huge nerd.
I cried through so much of it. I did warn Steve ahead of time though. He didn’t believe me, silly guy. I cried at the opening, when the Shire was shown for the first time, when Sam took the farthest step from home he had ever been, when Aragorn turns down Frodo’s offer of the Ring (“I would have gone with you to the end, into the very fires of Mordor.” Oh, an arrow into my heart every time), and basically the last twenty minutes I was just bawling. Especially during the credits when a little boy performed “In Dreams”, I was sobbing. And when Howard Shore came out at the end, I cried even harder because I was standing in awe of a man who had brought such important music to my life. Thankfully a girl behind me was also bawling her eyes out and tapped my shoulder to share her tissues. Steve couldn’t stop laughing at how emotional I was getting, but I think he was laughing out of how stupid adorable his nerdy girlfriend is. (right?)
Back in December 2004, I had begged and begged my dad for weeks to take me to the THE LORD OF THE RINGS SYMPHONY with The New Jersey Symphony Orchestra at the NJ PAC center in Newark (which is the ghetto). He was such a good dad, driving all the way there on a Friday night in traffic for his 14 year old daughter! My dad had fallen asleep during the performance then, so I told Steve the only thing he had to do was not fall asleep and fake enthusiasm. To his credit, I think he honestly had a good time.
In the lobby they were selling Doug Adam’s book “The Music of The Lord of the Rings Films: A Comprehensive Account of Howard Shore’s Scores” (you can purchase yourself here) and gorgeous programs! I already own the book (it’s incredible, you should own it) so of course I bought the program SO FAST without even asking how much it was. ($25, which was totally worth it.)
I haven’t watched the theatrical version in probably ten years, sticking with the extended editions (duh), but I do think the concert trimmed some of the movie itself down, but I can’t be sure. There were also subtitles during the show, which I understand due to the music being so loud, but not all the subtitles were %1000 percent accurate which slightly bugged me. But whatever, #NerdProblems.
I still had the most brilliant time! And it was worth every penny of the tickets. I mean, they were pretty expensive for a movie I’ve seen a hundred times hahaha. But the experience was 100% worth it! If any of you are lucky enough as well to see LOTR in Concert this weekend, let me know what you thought of it! Tickets might still be available at the website http://www.lotrlincolncenter.com/tickets.html or on StubHub.com.
If you want to gush about LOTR feel free to tweet me anytime, my handle is @Bookishbelle!
To Kindle or Not To Kindle
About 5 years ago I was working at Barnes and Noble (I worked there for all 4 years of college) and my favorite part of the job was to buy back textbooks at the end of each semester. Sometimes we’d buy back these books that cost hundreds of dollars, but plenty of times we didn’t and the students would tell us to just throw them out or whatever because they never wanted to see that Biological Warfare of the Human Genome (or something equally horrifying) again. Anyway, I would take this discarded books and sell them to Amazon, sometimes for tons of money. (I don’t feel guilty, should I feel guilty?)
Now, I had all this Amazon credit and I was sitting at the kitchen table in the breakfast nook of my aunt’s house on a river in Delaware, seriously contemplating for the 1st time if I should get a Kindle or not. I had the money, should I take the plunge?
My parents were big supporters of my getting a Kindle. Every summer when we would go to Hawaii, my suitcase was half filled with books to read on the beach after a morning of surfing. They were tired of paying extra baggage fees to account for my library.
But I was a snob! I was purveyor of the page! How could I ever abandon my bookstore and the smell of a brand new book? I ended up not getting one that summer, but for the last 5 years I’ve debated taking the plunge into the world of eBooks.
I had a soft introduction a couple years ago when I downloaded the ’50 Shades of Grey’ books onto the Kindle app on to my iPad. My excuse was that I was commuting on the train into Manhattan and I didn’t want everyone to know I was reading porn. But I hated reading stuff on my iPad: it was too big and bulky and I was too tempted to check the Internet instead of read.
In the last couple of months, my reading has decreased significantly. By my house in New Jersey, there aren’t ANY bookstores which depresses the shit out of me. And I’m back in a small room (oh, the woes of moving back home in your mid twenties! Curse you, cliche romantic comedy scenario!) so I don’t have that much room to keep buying books. My grandfather built me huge bookshelves but they’re full and my floor is covered with stack and stacks of books. I just don’t have enough room.
Plus, these days I’m never home. I go to work and on the weekends I’m usually off doing stuff with Steve and I always forget to bring a book. And so, I came to the conclusion that perhaps, a Kindle would do me good. I mentioned it a lot on Twitter, and my friend Isabel told me she had a brand new Kindle, still in the plastic, that she would sell me for $20 if I wanted. I jumped at the chance!
Now, I’ve had it for a few weeks and I must admit: I really really like it. I basically love it.
1.) It’s so easy to see a book recommendation online and buy it instantly from Amazon. So good for me, so bad for my wallet.
2.) I’m finally using my library again! I’ve always hated using libraries because I never, ever remember to return books. I’ve single handled supported my local library with late fees all during middle school and high school. But with the Kindle, I can borrow eBooks from the library, without ever leaving my house. No late fees! Instant gratification! Plus, I still have my library account for the New York Public Library, so I can borrow books from them as well. (Sorry for mooching NYPL!)
3.) I can read books from NetGalley! So far I’ve been approved for a ton of books and I’m currently reading ‘The Magician’s Lie” by Greer Macallister, which I’m loving.
4.) I’ve read way more in the past few weeks that I have in ages. Which really, isn’t that the point?
1.) If I really love a book, I can’t keep it on my shelf and I can’t underline my favorite quotes, which I do obsessively. However, I’m trying to combat this by making sure I buy hard copies of books by my favorite authors or books I had a strong feeling I’ll love.
2.) I look like one of those douches in the Amazon ads in the NY Times Book Review with a little black piece of plastic instead of a REAL BOOK. But I’ll get over it, I guess.
3.) Again, bad for my wallet. So bad for my wallet.
Conclusion: I admittedly love my Kindle and I’m going to use the hell out of it.
Do you bookish folk use a Kindle? Love it or hate it?
Ramblings on Resolutions (So Long 2014!)
I like New Year’s Resolutions. I like the faux feeling of a fresh start and setting out goals to accomplish. I also don’t get bent out of shape when I don’t achieve them though. My goals every year are the basic I-want-to-get-my-life-together type deals.
Mine this year are simply:
-Get my health under control
-Finish the first draft of my novel
These were also my New Year’s Resolutions last year and although they didn’t get 100% accomplished, a lot of big steps were taken in the last 12 months to open up space for them to happen this year. I’m now in a safe place physically and emotionally to do the things I want to do!
While writing this post, I got my Verily newsletter in my inbox (I hate email newsletters with a passion but I love Verily’s, check them out!) and I read this great article on New Year’s Resolutions. If, like me, your goal this year is to take care of yourself, this is a great article to get in the frame of mind of health.
Things I Plan on Doing (which are different than resolutions)
-Add to my LOTR tattoo
-Get more into astronomy
-Continue with blogging
-Read more books ( keep track of them!)
2014 has been really life changing for me, but you probably already know that. But by chance you don’t, check out a previous post ‘Thank God for a Fucked Up Year’.
And so I will leave you with:
My Wholly Profound and Delightfully Understated Moments of 2014
– Sitting in yoga class, late on a Monday night. The studio was on the top floor in a building in Lincoln Square and the massive, greenhouse windows were open. A snow storm was just starting. A peaceful escape from my crazy life.
– Sitting in my shrink’s office and her asking me what was more important: being happy or living in New York. It was the first moment I realized that I had to move home.
– Air France had an exhibit on the Lower West Side and I was so excited to check it out. In a room with lights hanging from ceiling to floor, to give the illusion of being in the sky, the person I was dating at the time got into a pointless yelling match with a tourist and I thought to myself, “ No more. No more of this.”
– Standing in Penn Station on the April morning I moved home, with a suitcase and a bag. A massive light fixture fell from the ceiling, nearly impaling the college students next to me. If I ever needed to sign to leave, that was it.
– My parents took me out to eat down the shore on the 1 year anniversary of when I got hurt, and I was sullen and ungrateful. I then went home and watched 8 hours of Orange is the New Black.
– Sitting on my back porch writing a letter at my typewriter. It was June 11th.
– Laying down on my couch in the basement on the 4th of July, skipping fireworks and redownloading Tinder
– Sitting on a bench next to a bay, watching a thunderstorm approach. And kissing.
– Hugging Mara at the San Diego Airport for the first time!
– Walking around San Diego Comic Con completely comfortable in my own skin.
– Losing every shit I had when meeting Randall, the voice of Honey Badger at SDCC, and asking him to record my voice mail.
– Standing out on my front lawn at 3 in the morning. Finding the Andromeda constellation.
– Gaslight Anthem playing “Break Your Heart” live at PNC Arts Center.
– Sunday mornings at Starbucks reading a paper, Sunday afternoons watching football, Sunday nights falling asleep on the couch in front of a fire.
– Waking up on Christmas morning next to my favorite person.
– And undoubtedly, when I get to kiss him at midnight, it will be the best ending to 2014 and start of 2015
There is this quote from the Season 1 Finale of Ally McBeal that I always think of this time of year. So I will leave you with this:
“If you think back and replay your year, if it doesn’t bring you tears either of joy or sadness, consider it wasted.”
Here’s to all the crying in 2015<3
Weird Shit People Say Online
So what is the price of social media?
Twitter played a huge part in my life becoming what it is today: my Ramona Flowers cosplay was retweeted by creator Bryan Lee O’Malley and there I gained hundreds of followers, then Twitter got me a job at Midtown Comics in Times Square (where I was then on a tv special on National Geographic). I’ve made 95% of my best friends off of Twitter and it’s where I get my daily information.
But sometimes social media isn’t very fun. I once received an email on my birthday full of countless photos of dead otters as a cruel joke. I’ve been called fat, worthless, and a slut all through various platforms online. I’ve received hate mail and claims that I was a fake. On the flip side, I’ve also received incredible gifts from users online ranging from toys and comics to a brand new Macbook computer and my rent paid for.
In the last couple of years I’ve retracted a lot from the Internet. I no longer host meet ups in Central Park for all my Twitter friends. I don’t actively look for friends online because I’m very satisfied with the ones I have. I stopped cosplaying because I was tired of getting comments saying how horrible I looked dressed up.
Right now my online presence includes a public Twitter account, a private Instagram account, and a Tumblr. I completely suggest a private Instagram account because I can post things and I know exactly who is looking at them, instead of stalkers who look without wanting to follow me. I haven’t had any problems with Twitter in a long time.
However, it looks like my relationship with Tumblr is going on a indefinite hiatus. Tumblr always was the most hostile one for me, even when the anonymous comments were turned off. It’s very easy to hide behind a Tumblr page and harass someone with messages. Recently I’ve kept anon turned on, because friends from Twitter would message me questions, always leaving their name along with it.
But then I was left this message:
And you know what? Fuck this.
I don’t need this weird shit in my life. I could sit here all day and rant about how severely fucked up and bored and alone someone would have to be to send stuff like this, but it’s a waste of energy. I was going to delete my Tumblr account but then I quickly realized somebody could steal my URL and pretend to be me. And there’s no way to delete all your posts. However, there is apparently a new option to turn off all messages- anonymous and public.
So I’ll just do that and delete Tumblr off my phone for a while. I’ve been detoxing my life, throwing out everything that reminds me anything negative, so goodbye Tumblr. I guess we can’t have nice things.
1.) I love Karley Sciortino of Slutever.com and columnist for Vogue.
She is the blonde, bisexual, slutty alter ego that I wish I had.
2.) I’m going to put onions in my socks.
Last week I told one of the students at the school I work at, about an article I read saying that if you put sliced onions in your socks at the bottom of your feet- it will take all the toxins out of your bod. Yesterday she came back and said she had a cold, so she tried my onion trick and IT WORKED. Goodbye Friday night plans, I’m putting onions in my socks.
3.) When my lawyer calls me, I’m excited, not dreadful.
It looks like something that has been going on for a year and a half will be OVER by the end of the year! As in, check in my hand, never have to talk to lawyers ever again, done. I can’t wait!
4.) I hated The Hobbit movie
It was just bad. It was terrible. None of it was good.
5.) Netgalley is amazing
One of the biggest perks to finally getting a Kindle was being able to read books from Netgalley. There are so many in my queue and I can’t wait to devour all of them.
6.) El Hino is doing something special for me!
Isn’t his work just GORGEOUS?! He’s working on a special project for me this weekend and you’ll be able to see it Christmas Eve! Until then please check out his work online!
A Side Note on Life
Christmas is only a week away! I can’t believe this year is so close to being over, it’s certainly been one of the most exciting, difficult, and interesting years of my life. The first half was not fun in the least but the second half was quite amazing. I’m really excited to see what 2015 brings my way. =)
I’ve already finished my Christmas shopping but I’m still finding little things that I want to give to my family and friends. Mara already received her Christmas package in the mail and she loved it, which just makes me filled to the brim with happiness. The gift I was most excited to give her were these little gold earrings I found from Francesca’s that look exactly like Sailor Venus’s mask. I’ve tried finding an image of them online but I haven’t been able to. I’m sure if you tweet at her (her handle is @MegaMaraMon) she will send you a picture of them.
I’m also especially proud of what I got Steve for Christmas, of which I’ll definitely brag about after he opens his gifts. I often wish I was exceedingly wealthy, just so that every time I see something I know a friend will love, I could buy it for them and send it their way.
I just want to take a moment, and acknowledge how happy I am. For so long I was really unhappy. (Clinically depressed as the diagnoses went) And though my nerve disorder has only gotten worse, my mental health is a thousand times better than where I was mere months ago.
The root of this happiness is 100% due to the people in my life. While I loved living in New York City with every fiber of my being, I was not surrounded by the right people. (Except for working at the cat hospital, I had fantastic co-workers there and except for when I worked in as a tutor to the girl WHO LIVED ACROSS THE HALL FROM KEVIN BACON). But I was dating someone who just wasn’t good for me or to me. After being in a relationship like that, you easily appreciate people who are good.
So this holiday season I am grateful for my family, whom I am very close with. My siblings are two of my best friends and they make me laugh so unbelievably much. My brother quotes every James Franco/Seth Rogen movie with gusto and my sister, well, she is currently causing quite a stir that everyone appreciates. =)
I am grateful for Mara, who is the best friend I’ve ever had! This month is our two year BFF Anniversary and I wouldn’t have gotten through the past two years without her. She is hilarious and more intelligent than I am (which is a wonderful quality to have in a best friend) and she gives the best advice imaginable. Plus, who else would talk with me so excessively about sex in manga or quote LOTR aggressively at the drop of a hat?
I am grateful to Twitter! I am grateful to have a place online to send my happiness/frustration/sadness/random thoughts out into the void and have such wonderful people respond. I’ve met most of my favorite people off of Twitter and every day you guys never fail to make me smile. Thank you for venting along with me about movies, sharing your geeky posts, sending me otter pictures, and overall being amazing.
And most of all, I am grateful to Steve. I know there’s only so much I can write about him on here without you and him (and his friends who stalk this blog gleefully!) get tired of hearing about my relationship but screw you, it’s my blog, I can swoon if I want to!
You see, I’ve spent my whole life thinking there was a very good chance I would never marry. I hated the idea of being with someone who held me back, who didn’t make me happy. I dreaded waking up on my wedding day and worrying that I was making a mistake. In every relationship, I’ve always had this gut feeling, knowing that this guy was not the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.
And that is a horrible feeling to live with.
But then this guy came along with his football watching and his motorcycle riding and knowing nothing about Star Wars and against all odds, he is without a doubt my other half. I love him. I tell him a hundred times a day and I sound like a broken record, but I’ve never been in love before and this is amazing! Now I get all the movies and the crappy songs and it’s wonderful. Being so wholly enamored by one person is quite amazing.
If you are reading this and you are in a relationship that you are unsure about, please take this as your sign from the Universe. If you are unhappy or feel that you are being treated poorly by your partner: LEAVE. I had to leave New York City to get away from mine and it was horrible and painful but I swear to god it was worth every moment. You deserve better, you deserve to be happy.
There is someone out there for you! Try Tinder, it worked out really well for me =P No matter how scary it seems, you can change the parts of your life that you don’t like. I am eternally grateful I did, and trust me, one day you will be too.
The Only Royal Wedding Announcement That Matters
I can’t be the only one freaking out over this right?